We have a phenomenon here in San Francisco where the two primary forms of a first-time buyer's down payment are either tech stock options or the Bank of Mom and Dad, sometimes a bit of both
Family help with a down payment is not new in San Francisco. What has changed is the scale of it. When a first home costs what it costs here, the gap between what a well-paid professional can save and what a down payment requires is often closed by a previous generation's equity rather than by earnings, and that applies to buyers most people would assume are doing fine.
A few things I would want anyone in this position to think through before money moves.
Lenders care a great deal about the form the help takes. A gift and a loan are underwritten very differently, and funds that appear in a bank account without documentation can slow an approval or derail it entirely. Have that conversation with your lender before the transfer, not after.
If ownership is going to be shared, write it down. The families who put the arrangement on paper, including what happens in the event of a divorce, a death, or a job loss, do markedly better than the families who rely on everyone remembering the same conversation. That is work for an attorney and a tax professional, not for a handshake.
Parents should also be clear-eyed about what they can actually part with. Helping a child buy is a fine use of equity when the equity is truly surplus, and a source of considerable strain when it is not.
One last thing I will say outright: accepting help is not a failure. In this city it has become one of the ordinary ways people buy. What matters is that everyone involved understands the terms and that the arrangement is built to survive a bad year.
